people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
