Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
