It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
