Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
