ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
