oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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