You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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