Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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