I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
