So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
