watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
