Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
