I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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