Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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