I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
