Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
