Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
