my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
