I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
