Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
