if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
