Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
