i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
