How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
