I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I skipped work to stalk him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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