I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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