Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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