i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
