Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
