youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
