Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
