Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Randomize
