ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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