Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
