maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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