I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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