I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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