I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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