Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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