just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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