i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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