you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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