forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
