I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
