CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
