Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
