I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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