i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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