I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
