how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
