So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
