Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
