i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
