the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
